Snow........

Yesterday was an amazing day! I started out pretty down, it was the 5 year anniversary that my Daddy died. I didn't mention it to the girls before school because I knew what it would do to them. Savannah had an orthodontist appointment, so I got some one on one time with her. We took the boys to school and headed to her appointment, then we ran a couple errands together, Had to take advantage of the moment. When they got home from school it had started sleeting and then it came........................snow! It's hard for people to understand what it means when I see snow. I went home to go to my Daddy's funeral (had met Dwayne 2 weeks prior) and my neices and nephews wanted to go skiing, so we headed up to Wintergreen. Dwayne drove us all in his 4 wheel drive Expedition. It snowed all the way there as he held my hand and said that everything would be okay. We spend the day on the slopes (me, on my butt) and then headed home. I came back to Texas and started living my life without my father, which is a very hard thing to do. My Daddy was an incredible man and I love and miss him very much.

The next time the snow came was Christmas Eve 2004. I was in the hospital pregnant with the twins. Dwayne had just brought the girls up to see me and open a couple presents and then they headed back home to go to bed and wait for Santa, when a nurse came in and said it was snowing and opened my curtains for me to see. I felt that was my Daddy telling me that we were going to be fine and I was not alone that night.

Then December 10, 2008, the 5 year anniversary of my Daddy's death, he showed us again, that he was thinking of us and knowing how much we miss our family, that we were missed as well. The kids and I played out in the snow and knew exactly what it meant, I think the hardest part was Dwayne was not at home with us. He knew exactly what it meant too and we wanted to all be together.

We miss our family so terribly bad and both of our mothers are not in the best of health, so knowing that Daddy is up there and Dwayne's Daddy is up there watching over them and us it helps, a little bit. December 2nd marked 18 years I have been in Texas and I don't want to be here. My family is the best family a person can have, we are all very close and are always together when I am there. My mother, is my WORLD! I love her more than words can describe and I do not even want to think of what I will do when she is gone! I just want to share my children with her so that she has that life in her. When she is here and around the kids, she is so ALIVE and loves doing things. When she is home, she doesn't do much because she is so lonely. It's so sad and breaks my heart. Her Daddy is still living (96) and she doesn't want to leave because something could happen. I think back at the times I missed with my Daddy and that times that my children have missed and are missing with their grandparents (here and there) and it just really sucks that my children do not have what we all had when we grew up. I remember going fishing and shopping with my grandparents all the time and it's a love that is indescribable. Savannah is VERY close to her Big Papa and she has told everyone and made it clear that if anything happens, she will be there for him. What sucks, is the costs of getting there..............I get down quite often and sit here and just cry because I made some big mistakes and hate myself for them, but I have to deal with what cards I have been dealt.

I WILL be with my family again and I just hope it's not too late when I do.

God Bless you Daddy and thank you for such a great day and letting me know you were thinking of us! I LOVE YOU!